I remember when The Library was created to establish a culmination of greats that would otherwise be forgotten on page 72 or something, and I saw a poem I wrote towards the beginning of my writing, and took at the look at the view count. I bounced up and down in my chair thinking how thousands had seen a work that is trivial to me now. "Posted 12 December 2007" is what it says, I was 15 years old and I hope that I've improved a little since then. I'm now 26 and I stopped playing about 8 or 9 years ago, yet this is a place I come back to. It's the first place I post whenever I've written something new.
When I first posted here I felt that I didn't have a place to share my thoughts and feelings safely, and I tried writing to just get something out. I found those troubling feelings were, they had less hold over me when I put pen to paper. So that it kept me up less when I tried to go to sleep. So that I didn't spend my time ruminating, questioning how do I deal with whatever it is.. Pretty sure my first works were a joke and I don't think they were received nicely either. There were a great many writers on here already that posted, whom I still look up to today. It gave me an opportunity to improve though, thinking that not only did I have a way to feel better now, but there's also room for growth and improvement. I had been passionate about reading, here I got to be a writer. I got to learn about different styles, and writing patters, and how stanzas are structured, different rhyming patterns, epics like the Villanelle, and I forgot about all of it in my writing, because my stuff does not have no structure.( it is joke) The most important thing you gave me was feedback.
I've thought mean things when someone didn't praise my work and wanted to tell people where to go. There was a guy on here named the Antichrist, who's writing style was darker than the demons that haunted me, and I think once after a few years he said a poem of mine was okay or something and I was overjoyed. There's people like Lil, Mikee, Imperial, Lil Jake, Wriste, Poe....I could go on, who molded, guided, critiqued, and gave helpful advice to shape the emotion coming out of me into something not only special to me, but something that others could get something from. Those relationships I can't ever forget.
I wrote a lot more back in those days because I was constantly struggling. Something always needed to come out, life seemed too much for me. Yet in the years past I've been able to become a responsible and stable adult, the only thing that's suffered is my writing. There's not such highs or hearbreaking lows anymore. Things still hurt sometimes but I get through them and I'm doing pretty good.
This forum has been quiet for a while. I think most people have gone on to build their lives, get married, have careers. I'm not the 12 year old that marveled at leveling a skill to 99 anymore.
What I am is grateful for everything you the reader, the person who wrote a comment, the friend has given me. I consider poetry to be a special part of who I am, and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. My grade 9 English prof failed me for a poem that I wrote and I wanted to say screw this class, writing, and screw you Mr. Small.
His first name was Richard. That ****, Small.
But in all seriousness, Thank you.
It has been a privilege to share with you and have you be a part of my life.