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Official Relationship Advice Thread V2!


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#1081 oox7

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Posted 27 August 2013 - 09:14 PM

Interesting Thread, probably more interesting for me since i am currently majoring in psychology but interesting none the less; I'll definitely be keeping my eye on this. Along with trying to help those i can! :-)

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#1082 Ile

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Posted 01 September 2013 - 02:55 PM

This isn't a problem, but something that can happen to anyone of you in this topic :-)

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Edited by Ile, 01 September 2013 - 02:56 PM.

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#1083 Brogusa

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Posted 01 September 2013 - 10:04 PM

Well I started college last week. So far, so good I guess. I haven't gotten into any trouble, classwork's alright, etc. Just one thing I found rather . . . disheartening, I guess? So far, I've been eating lunch by myself at either the student café or at McDonald's, and regardless of how many people I talk to while I'm on break, nobody really sticks around for that long, usually just like a minute at most. It seems like everyone's trapped in their own little bubble. If they're not on their way to the next class, they're either leaving, going to an appointment at one of the school's many offices, and such.

I assume this kind of thing is natural if you're a freshman. So far, the only new friend I've made is an otaku who couldn't figure out how to use a bloody bus. Any ways on how to get more . . . sociable, I guess?

Edited by Public Security Section 9, 01 September 2013 - 10:06 PM.


#1084 spoonheb

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 08:21 AM

View PostPublic Security Section 9, on 01 September 2013 - 10:04 PM, said:

I assume this kind of thing is natural if you're a freshman. So far, the only new friend I've made is an otaku who couldn't figure out how to use a bloody bus. Any ways on how to get more . . . sociable, I guess?

Study groups are a great lure, aside from that just keep putting yourself out there and give it time.

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#1085 The Corf

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 01:41 PM

View PostPublic Security Section 9, on 01 September 2013 - 10:04 PM, said:

Well I started college last week. So far, so good I guess. I haven't gotten into any trouble, classwork's alright, etc. Just one thing I found rather . . . disheartening, I guess? So far, I've been eating lunch by myself at either the student café or at McDonald's, and regardless of how many people I talk to while I'm on break, nobody really sticks around for that long, usually just like a minute at most. It seems like everyone's trapped in their own little bubble. If they're not on their way to the next class, they're either leaving, going to an appointment at one of the school's many offices, and such.

I assume this kind of thing is natural if you're a freshman. So far, the only new friend I've made is an otaku who couldn't figure out how to use a bloody bus. Any ways on how to get more . . . sociable, I guess?
seeing common interests with some of your classmates can easily start conversations which can lead to friendships also is pretty good.
my best friend and i bonded over our mutual love to metal, anime and gaming, she started in my class after the first half year of introduction. after a few conversations we started  hanging out a bit more and now we're pretty much inseparable, don't lose hopes yet, it will come, only been a week anyway (i was alone most of the first half year because of how introverted i was)

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#1086 Grace

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 02:54 PM

View PostPublic Security Section 9, on 01 September 2013 - 10:04 PM, said:

Well I started college last week. So far, so good I guess. I haven't gotten into any trouble, classwork's alright, etc. Just one thing I found rather . . . disheartening, I guess? So far, I've been eating lunch by myself at either the student café or at McDonald's, and regardless of how many people I talk to while I'm on break, nobody really sticks around for that long, usually just like a minute at most. It seems like everyone's trapped in their own little bubble. If they're not on their way to the next class, they're either leaving, going to an appointment at one of the school's many offices, and such.

I assume this kind of thing is natural if you're a freshman. So far, the only new friend I've made is an otaku who couldn't figure out how to use a bloody bus. Any ways on how to get more . . . sociable, I guess?

Join some societies or go to activities; people should have similar interests with you.

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#1087 rudy

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Posted 28 September 2013 - 06:46 PM

My girlfriend and I of 1 year broke up a little over two weeks ago. It was the best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Oddly for the first time I felt like I was really loved and cared about and that I was getting the effort back I've always put into relationships. What her and I had was great, any issues we had we resolved, we loved spending time together.. it was all amazing.

I don't really understand what happened, how it happened and everything that triggered the break up but it's been haunting me for the past weeks. She had been stressed with school, she kind of snapped into this antisocial state and became really grumpy all the time. We had a small argument over something really stupid and she decided to break it off. It sounded initially like it was just going to be a break but after a couple of days she decided she wanted to be single. She said she didn't have the energy for a relationship anymore and is turned off by them.

After a few days of not talking I tried to discuss a few things with her. She said she wasn't interested in a relationship with me or for with anyone for that matter. She doesn't even want to think about talking or socializing with anyone. And that she wants to be a lone and sleep all day. I asked her if what her and I had was important to her and she said it was, but now its over, what can ya do? All of that eventually led to a bigger argument and we didn't talk for a week.

She made first contact with me after i hadn't been around or had said anything for  a while. We started talking again like old times and enjoyed each others company for a bit. Relationship discussion came back up again and she was like, "I don't know how I feel about you anymore." I didnt really know how to reply and a few minutes later she said that she loves me and is somewhat in love with me still but doesnt want a relationship.

The first week of the break up she said she was still in love with me, now she says she kind of is. Through out the breakup she's just been very cold like she shutdown completely. I know I need to move on and keep myself busy but It bothers me nonstop how someone can tell you that you are the love of their life and treat you like youre so special then throw you away like its nothing.

She is seriously emotionally shutdown and I've just never seen someone like that before. All the time her and I spent together, all the memories, experiences and fun we had just don't mean a thing nor are they important to her. I would think all those things would of made the breakup difficult for her too.

How are people able to be so cold? What can I do to get over this? Everything I do reminds me of her since we always spent so much time together. I'm struggling to enjoy the things I once loved on my own. I feel so lost... like a chunk of me is missing. Just dont understand how something so wonderful turned so dark so quickly..

#1088 Haru

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Posted 28 September 2013 - 09:28 PM

View Postrudy, on 28 September 2013 - 06:46 PM, said:

You'll get over it in due time, Rudy.

I think at some point in everyone's life they experience something like this, or similar, and some more often than others. But trying to patch things up and getting back together isn't the way to go—my advice, steer clear of her completely. The thinking of her and whatnot will begin to lose luster, slowly but surely, and you'll adapt to your new route.

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#1089 The duck

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 09:37 AM

View Postrudy, on 28 September 2013 - 06:46 PM, said:

How are people able to be so cold? What can I do to get over this? Everything I do reminds me of her since we always spent so much time together. I'm struggling to enjoy the things I once loved on my own. I feel so lost... like a chunk of me is missing. Just dont understand how something so wonderful turned so dark so quickly..
All I can tell you is that there will be a turning point. Right now, you feel rather empty as you stated, this is because you combined a life together and now you got only your own left. The best you can do is as Haru suggested, steer clear right now. I am sure you always showed yourself from your best side, relatively speaking. What is also important is that you not allow any negative thoughts of guilt in ; drugs and alcohol can destroy you as we all know but never underestimate the power of your own mental state. Depression is horrible.

Do note that this not implies that you need to be cold or rude to the aforementioned girl now. On the contrary, that could turn the girl's emotional state in an even bigger mess. A wise man once told me the following: ''If you always do what you used to do  and you know that through this you always acted sincere and honest, then others will see this truth sooner or later.'' Not sure if entirely applicable, but remain yourself no matter how hard it might be right now. All the best.

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#1090 Brogusa

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 01:19 PM

Reminds me of my breakup. Oh, sweet sorrow. Listen buddy, you'll be able to get over her in due time. It's hard, but like Rob Schneider said in every movie he's ever been in: YOU CAN DO IT!! Listen to some music, watch a few films, go out to a park and play handball with a few of your friends.

#1091 rudy

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 06:32 PM

View PostThe duck, on 29 September 2013 - 09:37 AM, said:

View Postrudy, on 28 September 2013 - 06:46 PM, said:

How are people able to be so cold? What can I do to get over this? Everything I do reminds me of her since we always spent so much time together. I'm struggling to enjoy the things I once loved on my own. I feel so lost... like a chunk of me is missing. Just dont understand how something so wonderful turned so dark so quickly..
All I can tell you is that there will be a turning point. Right now, you feel rather empty as you stated, this is because you combined a life together and now you got only your own left. The best you can do is as Haru suggested, steer clear right now. I am sure you always showed yourself from your best side, relatively speaking. What is also important is that you not allow any negative thoughts of guilt in ; drugs and alcohol can destroy you as we all know but never underestimate the power of your own mental state. Depression is horrible.

Do note that this not implies that you need to be cold or rude to the aforementioned girl now. On the contrary, that could turn the girl's emotional state in an even bigger mess. A wise man once told me the following: ''If you always do what you used to do  and you know that through this you always acted sincere and honest, then others will see this truth sooner or later.'' Not sure if entirely applicable, but remain yourself no matter how hard it might be right now. All the best.

Thanks everyone for the feedback and advice...

She went off on me last night about wanting to be friends and I wasn't okay with that because I don't even know why we broke up and not knowing would just make our friendship weird.. not to mention I still have feelings. She told me to delete her number and to not contact her again. Guess that's what I need to do :/.

#1092 Zq50

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 07:21 PM

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 06:32 PM, said:

She went off on me last night about wanting to be friends and I wasn't okay with that because I don't even know why we broke up and not knowing would just make our friendship weird.. not to mention I still have feelings. She told me to delete her number and to not contact her again. Guess that's what I need to do :/.
Rudy, you need to stop talking to her for right now.

What you should do.
1. As Haru said, stay clear of her. If you keep bothering her you might think that she is going to crack and just be like "You know what, fine." You don't want a "fine" you want a "yes!" So I would wait for her to call you (It could be a while). By the amount of times you've called her, she should know how much you care.

2. Stay positive! This is probably the most important. I don't care who you are, you've suffered from thinking negatively while trying to get a girl or trying to get a girl back in your case. So instead of thinking about how much life sucks, think about what your future can hold if you make the right decisions.

3. Don't be afraid to move on, even if she hasn't made up her mind about you. Moving on is the hardest thing to do after losing a girl. But when you think about it, if it didn't work out, shes not meant to be with you. There's really no way to sugar coat it. Hang out with your friends and family, and you should realize that your friends and family will always love you (no homo for guy friends). But always refer to tip #2 because it could be meant to be!

4. Don't try to force anything. Not only is it not the right way to get someone to like you, but she may feel pressured and thats the last thing this girl needs right now. I'll admit, I had a problem with forcing things with someone in high school. Where are we today? I haven't seen her in 1.5 years, I'm single and currently thinking about getting this other girl in my life, and I'm happier than I ever was with her.

Make sure you keep us updated. I wish you the best of luck!

#1093 rudy

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 09:14 PM

View PostZq50, on 29 September 2013 - 07:21 PM, said:

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 06:32 PM, said:

She went off on me last night about wanting to be friends and I wasn't okay with that because I don't even know why we broke up and not knowing would just make our friendship weird.. not to mention I still have feelings. She told me to delete her number and to not contact her again. Guess that's what I need to do :/.
Rudy, you need to stop talking to her for right now.

What you should do.
1. As Haru said, stay clear of her. If you keep bothering her you might think that she is going to crack and just be like "You know what, fine." You don't want a "fine" you want a "yes!" So I would wait for her to call you (It could be a while). By the amount of times you've called her, she should know how much you care.

2. Stay positive! This is probably the most important. I don't care who you are, you've suffered from thinking negatively while trying to get a girl or trying to get a girl back in your case. So instead of thinking about how much life sucks, think about what your future can hold if you make the right decisions.

3. Don't be afraid to move on, even if she hasn't made up her mind about you. Moving on is the hardest thing to do after losing a girl. But when you think about it, if it didn't work out, shes not meant to be with you. There's really no way to sugar coat it. Hang out with your friends and family, and you should realize that your friends and family will always love you (no homo for guy friends). But always refer to tip #2 because it could be meant to be!

4. Don't try to force anything. Not only is it not the right way to get someone to like you, but she may feel pressured and thats the last thing this girl needs right now. I'll admit, I had a problem with forcing things with someone in high school. Where are we today? I haven't seen her in 1.5 years, I'm single and currently thinking about getting this other girl in my life, and I'm happier than I ever was with her.

Make sure you keep us updated. I wish you the best of luck!

I really appreciate all of this information but 3 & 4 don't relate to this at all as I didn't try to get her back. For the past two weeks I've been trying to understand what's been going on with her and how she's able to emotionally shut herself down and not care about everything her and I had. I invested a lot in the relationship and I thought I deserved an explanation other than "I'm lazy.

She kept trying to be friends with me without explaining anything to me. I asked her a couple of times which just made her angry with me. Finally after she told me everything and was actually honest with me and not putting up this emotionless mask  I was fine and okay with being friends. She acted like it was weak to feel vulnerable with me at this point and said she wouldnt do it again. Then continued to say she wanted me out of her life. She then requested me to block and delete her number and any other form of contact. It's like as soon as there was some progress, she would say or do something to undo it.

I've had quite a few long term relationships but I've never had anyone just shutdown on me like this. Not only is it just painful emotionally.. i couldn't help to wonder where I may of went wrong.. thats why an explanation was so important to me. And I guess wanting that explanation is what made her sick of me.

Edited by rudy, 29 September 2013 - 09:22 PM.


#1094 Zq50

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 09:23 PM

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 09:14 PM, said:

View PostZq50, on 29 September 2013 - 07:21 PM, said:

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 06:32 PM, said:

She went off on me last night about wanting to be friends and I wasn't okay with that because I don't even know why we broke up and not knowing would just make our friendship weird.. not to mention I still have feelings. She told me to delete her number and to not contact her again. Guess that's what I need to do :/.
Rudy, you need to stop talking to her for right now.

What you should do.
1. As Haru said, stay clear of her. If you keep bothering her you might think that she is going to crack and just be like "You know what, fine." You don't want a "fine" you want a "yes!" So I would wait for her to call you (It could be a while). By the amount of times you've called her, she should know how much you care.

2. Stay positive! This is probably the most important. I don't care who you are, you've suffered from thinking negatively while trying to get a girl or trying to get a girl back in your case. So instead of thinking about how much life sucks, think about what your future can hold if you make the right decisions.

3. Don't be afraid to move on, even if she hasn't made up her mind about you. Moving on is the hardest thing to do after losing a girl. But when you think about it, if it didn't work out, shes not meant to be with you. There's really no way to sugar coat it. Hang out with your friends and family, and you should realize that your friends and family will always love you (no homo for guy friends). But always refer to tip #2 because it could be meant to be!

4. Don't try to force anything. Not only is it not the right way to get someone to like you, but she may feel pressured and thats the last thing this girl needs right now. I'll admit, I had a problem with forcing things with someone in high school. Where are we today? I haven't seen her in 1.5 years, I'm single and currently thinking about getting this other girl in my life, and I'm happier than I ever was with her.

Make sure you keep us updated. I wish you the best of luck!

I really appreciate all of this information but 3 & 4 don't relate to this at all as I didn't try to get her back. For the past two weeks I've been trying to understand what's been going on with her and how she's able to emotionally shut herself down and not care about everything her and I had. I invested a lot in the relationship and I thought I deserved an explanation other than "I'm lazy.

She kept trying to be friends with me without explaining anything to me. I asked her a couple of times which just made her angry with me. Finally after she told me everything and was actually honest with me and not putting up this emotionless mask  I was fine and okay with being friends. She acted like it was weak to feel vulnerable with me at this point and said she wouldnt do it again. Then continued to say she wanted me out of her life. She then requested me to block and delete her number and any other form of contact.

I've had a few long term relationships but I've never had anyone just shutdown on me like this. Just hurts and feels like you were never worth anything to that person that meant everything to you..
Ahhhhhh I spent a while on that post.

Anyways, I would just relate to #1 and #2 then. Just give her time and eventually she will just let everything pour out. Theres really not much you can do besides waiting and staying positive!

#1095 rudy

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Posted 29 September 2013 - 09:28 PM

View PostZq50, on 29 September 2013 - 09:23 PM, said:

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 09:14 PM, said:

View PostZq50, on 29 September 2013 - 07:21 PM, said:

View Postrudy, on 29 September 2013 - 06:32 PM, said:

She went off on me last night about wanting to be friends and I wasn't okay with that because I don't even know why we broke up and not knowing would just make our friendship weird.. not to mention I still have feelings. She told me to delete her number and to not contact her again. Guess that's what I need to do :/.
Rudy, you need to stop talking to her for right now.

What you should do.
1. As Haru said, stay clear of her. If you keep bothering her you might think that she is going to crack and just be like "You know what, fine." You don't want a "fine" you want a "yes!" So I would wait for her to call you (It could be a while). By the amount of times you've called her, she should know how much you care.

2. Stay positive! This is probably the most important. I don't care who you are, you've suffered from thinking negatively while trying to get a girl or trying to get a girl back in your case. So instead of thinking about how much life sucks, think about what your future can hold if you make the right decisions.

3. Don't be afraid to move on, even if she hasn't made up her mind about you. Moving on is the hardest thing to do after losing a girl. But when you think about it, if it didn't work out, shes not meant to be with you. There's really no way to sugar coat it. Hang out with your friends and family, and you should realize that your friends and family will always love you (no homo for guy friends). But always refer to tip #2 because it could be meant to be!

4. Don't try to force anything. Not only is it not the right way to get someone to like you, but she may feel pressured and thats the last thing this girl needs right now. I'll admit, I had a problem with forcing things with someone in high school. Where are we today? I haven't seen her in 1.5 years, I'm single and currently thinking about getting this other girl in my life, and I'm happier than I ever was with her.

Make sure you keep us updated. I wish you the best of luck!

I really appreciate all of this information but 3 & 4 don't relate to this at all as I didn't try to get her back. For the past two weeks I've been trying to understand what's been going on with her and how she's able to emotionally shut herself down and not care about everything her and I had. I invested a lot in the relationship and I thought I deserved an explanation other than "I'm lazy.

She kept trying to be friends with me without explaining anything to me. I asked her a couple of times which just made her angry with me. Finally after she told me everything and was actually honest with me and not putting up this emotionless mask  I was fine and okay with being friends. She acted like it was weak to feel vulnerable with me at this point and said she wouldnt do it again. Then continued to say she wanted me out of her life. She then requested me to block and delete her number and any other form of contact.

I've had a few long term relationships but I've never had anyone just shutdown on me like this. Just hurts and feels like you were never worth anything to that person that meant everything to you..
Ahhhhhh I spent a while on that post.

Anyways, I would just relate to #1 and #2 then. Just give her time and eventually she will just let everything pour out. Theres really not much you can do besides waiting and staying positive!

But I'm not waiting for anything.. It's over. I got my explanation at the cost of her wanting me out of her life forever. And her wanting that just creates a new kind of pain on top of all of this.




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