We’ll be happy to help you as best as we can :)
This is a thread in hopes of cutting back on numerous other threads consisting of the same questions. A lot of guys have trouble interacting and communicating with girls/women and a lot of girls are in a similar boat. Anyone is open to give advice and anyone is open to critique others on their advice. This is a thread to help those who need it and further educate everyone as a whole.
I promise to help everyone and anyone that has a serious concern. For the sake of the thread, don't come in here trolling. Don't be shy/timid (Lesson #1 - Learn it quick) and express yourself here and I assure you that it'll be met with serious discussion and advice. Whether you're in middle school or have graduated college, if you need help you should ask for it.
If you're a girl frequenting these forums, you can use this as a means for asking for help with guys. It's a welcome change and allows us (Guys) to reflect on ourselves, our motives, and actions. I'd also love to hear opinions from you on the advice being given.
I'll repeat the main points of this topic:
- Help guys and give advice on girls
- Allow anyone and everyone to contribute in hopes of educating others
- A good way to converse about a subject many of us are/should be interested in
- Also a topic for women to ask for advice/give advice
Lesson #1 – Confidence
Sounds simple, huh? In reality it is simple but it is also the single most important obstacle for a guy to get over. You know that feeling you get when you see a cute girl but don't up to her when you know you should? Yeah, that's fear brought on by a lack of self confidence. You desperately want to go up to a girl in class that you're really into but "can't"? (Notice the quotations) It's not a question of whether you can or not because anyone is capable of going up to someone and starting a conversation. You choose not to go up to her and, deep down inside, you know that.
It's a problem that plagues nearly every single guy when they start out trying to meet girls and new people in general. We're not accustomed to stepping out of our comfort zone, hence why it's called a comfort zone, and thus we make excuses and find ways to avoid doing so. One can never experience life to the fullest if they don't step out from under that "safety blanket". It's your responsibility to step out of that comfort zone and, in turn, you'll expand it.
I won't lie to you. It's going to be difficult at first and you won't like it. You'll be nervous and you'll want to give up on it. The key is that you don't give in and quit on yourself. You need to go up to people and just talk. It gets easier as time goes on and you'll become more comfortable talking to strangers, be it a girl or a guy, in the end. I can't help you; no one can, if you can't help yourself first.
Lesson #2 - Learn from your mistakes
Lets assume you've overcome the problem of low self confidence. Good job, it's a big step to take on a long journey. You should now be talking to any and every girl you feel is interesting or attractive. As you converse with more and more girls, you'll find that you'll get turned down by some and with some you'll hit it off. That's natural and something you should fully expect. Every single girl isn't going to find you attractive or interesting, deal with it. Don't fear rejection, it means absolutely nothing.
You talk to a girl and have a great, engaging conversation? Good job. Now take mental notes on what you did, how you did it, and what worked. Take that experience with you for the next time you talk to a girl. How about if the girl was completely uninterested? Learn from it. What did you say that you shouldn't have said? Maybe you could have worded something differently? Flirted more? Less? You need to examine these interactions and learn from your experiences or else you'll just stay stagnant.
Lesson #3 - It's not what you say, it's how you say it
It's a simple lesson that deals with confidence. Speak up, sit/stand tall with good posture, and look a person in the eyes when you talk to them. Be sure to smile/smirk when you are joking around. Show the girl you're a person she wants to be around and can show her a good time. Pay attention to body language, yours and hers, and act accordingly. If you're having a good time, move closer and increase physical contact. That touch will tell her everything you want to say without a single word. When I say "increase physical contact" I mean in a logical manner. You're not going to jump on top of her after she says "Hi."
You have trouble approaching a girl and starting a conversation? How you say something is much more important than what you say and what you say for the next 10 minutes after that is a lot more important than your opening line. Don't rely on some predetermined "pick up line" and hope that does all the work. They don't. How stupid would you look opening up with a pick up line and then having nothing to talk about afterwords? Did you expect some witty remark that a teenager on the internet came up with is going to get you laid with no other effort?
If you need topics to discuss and bring up during a conversation then look to books. Think of opinionated questions to ask that will really get her thinking and prepare to carry on the conversation accordingly. Situational questions really work well, such as about the class you might be in, or some witty event that just took place in sight (say someone made a big commotion down the hall or there was a fight in the lunch hall. Maybe a teacher walked out of the school in handcuffs or there was a wreck down the road).
Lesson #4 - The Friend Zone
Essentially, ‘The Friend Zone’ is a situation where a guy talks to a girl in such a way, or has known a girl for such a time, to where the opportunity for a relationship does not exist anymore. It can happen in a matter of minutes or days, weeks or months. Perhaps you meet a girl who is pretty cool to talk to. You don’t express any attraction for her, and treat her like you would any of your male friends. This can give off a friendly vibe to her, which makes it look like you’re not interested. In return, she’ll realize that you’re not showing signs of interest, and she’ll mentally drop any feelings she might have for you and place you in the ‘friend zone’. Maybe this girl is actually someone you’ve known for many years. Maybe you show some interest, but never actually make any official moves (asking on dates, asking her out, things like that). This can also put a guy in the friend zone.
One common misconception is that a guy may already be stuck here. It is typical for guys to have female friends who are really close to them and have been for many years. Most of the time, if any feelings existed, the girl has thrown those away long ago. However, sometimes these feelings lie dormant inside of the girl, just as they may have for the guy all this time. This is more so the friend trap phenomenon, where either party is afraid of potentially ruining a great friendship by admitting their feelings for the other. A lot of times, they’re right, but sometimes there’s a beautiful relationship there that never gets discovered. Sometimes the friends will admit their feelings and date, trying to see what happens. They may be happy for a short time, but seldom times a friend will realize that they misconceived their feelings, either because of a recent breakup or some other event, and want to go back as friends.
The friend zone, ultimately, is a place where the guy has been placed forever in a girl’s mind. It takes certain special events to be brought out, and those kinds of things rarely happen. This is why dating a long time friend is hard to do, and why you guys must, at least in the slightest, let the girl know you’re interested. They’ve got to know you’re worth their investment before they decide to stick around longer. And of course, girls can experience the same thing with guys. I know I personally wouldn’t waste my time working on a girl who hasn’t shown me any kind of attraction.
Big thanks to Legendsword for making the original (and a lot of the above!) topic.